Two years ago I had sex with the guy I was in love with. I believed he was the love of my life. We shared almost everything with each other and finally I gave him myself. Of course things aren’t meant to work out and soon after that he pays me no mind anymore when I go off to college. I tried to keep in touch and keep things the same. No texts from him, no calls, no nice letters in my mailbox but we were ‘together’ right? Well for one month we didn’t really talk to each other. When I came home over fall break, I go to visit him and his family. I find out that he has a boyfriend….in Maryland….who he’s never seen in person before. He told me that they were so in love and that he was sorry…What the hell does sorry mean to me when my feelings and efforts have just been simply stepped on?? I tried my best to move on and I did…at least I think so… It doesn’t hurt as much anymore but he remains to be the only guy I get embarrassed in front of. The evidence is last Friday when his mom invited me over for a New Years party. That night he teased me like he used to and we had fun like nothing ever changed. And when he took me home we talked in the car like we always used to. He asked me how was life and I told him. I let it all go. The heartbreak, how I felt alone at my university, the 3 deaths in my family that all happened last year and how I felt that I wasn’t right but that night I felt as if nothing changed at least between us. I’m just sitting there crying and he’s holding my hand. My heart beating so fast and my face felt so hot. Then all of a sudden he gets out of his car. My car door opens and he pulls me out and hugs me tight. I looked up and noticed that he was crying too. And that only made me cry harder and hold on even tighter.

I didn’t get inside my house until about 4 am. Grandma was pissed but I didn’t care. I could only think about life and how fortunate I was to have him in my life even though we aren’t together. I may not have a great boyfrend but I do have a really good friend.